relationship: n. Connection or association; A way in which two or more people behave and are involved with each other.
"I know you are refusing to talk to me. And that's OK. You can be angry or whatever with me....It did not have to be this way. You've made your point. I will not communicate with you anymore."
I feel stupid. Really stupid. How do I get over this feeling of being so stupid?
The feelings and thoughts were plaguing my mind, and I couldn’t get rid of them.
It’s the kind of stupid you would feel if you were walking down the sidewalk and recognized the person coming towards you. There is no question they see you too. You speed up your pace to greet them, but they turn their head as they pass by, ignoring you.
It’s that kind of stupid feeling, an icky residue after laying yourself out only to be treated as though you don’t matter or exist.
New neighbors moved in next door almost two years ago. I was delighted when I found there was a set of twin girls, around ten at the time. Kids in the neighborhood!!
Animals moved in too. There were more than just a few as the owners tried to establish a farm on a city lot. Initially there were six or seven chickens, four rabbits, and three dogs. Over time, a dozen ducks were added.
The lady of the household is the one who fields all communication. My relationship with her got off to a rocky start when one of the rabbits appeared in my garden, heading for my strawberries. I explained rabbits and my garden would not co-exist, and they needed to be kept penned. She appeared to understand my point.
Our relationship got rougher as time went on when it became apparent the animals were not properly contained. The rabbits got out repeatedly, heading for my garden. The chickens were allowed to free range in my flower beds and the ducks did their “duck thing” not far from my back door. When I opened my blinds every morning, I was never sure which animal might be “visiting.”
Issues arose regularly over the poorly caged animals. The city requires owners of urban farm animals to house and properly contain them. I felt the situation could be resolved without involving the city. I told the neighbors of my stance from the beginning.
I communicated often, usually via text. “Please keep your animals penned up.” It was my single request. That did not happen. The final straw was when the chickens tore up my flower beds with their scratching and digging and their owner challenged me, “How do you know my chickens did this?” Frustration over the stench resulting from their ducks being housed adjacent to my backyard fence sent me over the edge. I contacted the city over my neighbor’s obstinate refusal to comply after over a year and a half.
What if I am the only representation of God in their lives? Have my neighbors seen anything in my life that would point them to Him? Those have been personal questions of concern. I have no answer, certainly not a “Hallelujah!” one.
I have a core belief there is a point and purpose to everything that takes place in my life. I have learned a great deal about myself through this. I learned I am not as patient as I thought I was. I am neither kind nor do I turn the other cheek. Mercy does not fill my being, I can be downright mean, and I feel no love for those causing grief in my life.
God has also revealed facets of Himself. He has a limit when it comes to His tolerance, what He allows and what He doesn’t. He is longsuffering, but He will neither be abused nor taken for granted. He allows ample time for us humans to reckon with the truth of ourselves. But when we refuse to do that, then “Time’s up.” When He’s done, He’s done. Period.
I decided it was a good time to walk to Bi-Mart. I needed to get outside and move. It’s quite a distance away, almost three miles. My optimistic hope was I would make it there and back home in one piece. I had my list—daffodil bulbs, orchid potting mix…and licorice. I had confidence time spent trudging along in the fresh air would help clear my mind.
I have been texting my neighbor. She does not respond. I know she reads the messages, but she is silent. The repeated lack of acknowledgement felt like a slap in the face. That was when I started feeling stupid. Why do I continue reaching out, only to be ignored? How stupid is that?
While walking and mulling over my
“stupid” situation, God reminded me of a scripture. “I stand at the door and
knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with
that person, and they with me.”*
The mental picture I had was of my Heavenly Father knocking at a door. He waits for an answer and there is none. He knocks once more. He doesn’t leave but continues to wait. He knows someone is inside, but no one responds. He knocks again and again. There is only silence. No one answers.
What is He to do?
I asked Him if He felt stupid like I did.
“No. I feel sad.”
It takes two to have a relationship. You cannot have a relationship with someone who chooses to not respond. I have walked away. Time’s up. I am done. I will not lay myself out anymore, only to be ignored.
I would have been a good neighbor to you and for you, W*****. It is your loss. It didn’t have to be this way. It makes me sad.
And, from God’s point of view, He cannot have a relationship with someone who chooses to not answer the door and invite Him in when He knocks.
If you are one who puts off the “still, small voice” of God…or chooses to ignore Him when He knocks, remember this: There comes a point when “Time’s up,” and He is done.
Humankind cannot have things both ways. We cannot live life as we choose, on our terms and oblivious to God, then expect Him to know us when we enter eternity. If we want nothing to do with Him, then that is what we are given. It is on us, not Him. Think about that.
It takes two to have a relationship.
*Revelation 3:20