"I Wonder"

wonder, v.:  to think or speculate curiously; to ponder; to feel doubt and curiosity; to query in the mind; be curious to know

"Inquiring minds want to know."  This, according to a stock broker's television commercial from the late 1970's.  

Not a one of us has been given all the answers to life or in life.  In fact, we often live our lives with more questions than answers.  I'm not sure that being curious is the same as having an inquiring mind. However, I am curious person, and I do wonder a lot.  

Much of my work time as a gardener is spent alone in thought, and wondering is a part of that. To wonder is not equivalent to worrying; nor are these thoughts in the category of "need-to-know,” with a pressing urgency.  There is no search for truth, no quest to find an answer.  Rather, they tend to enter quite unannounced and leave, without any real contemplation. They cover a wide variety of subject matter, from the silly and frivolous to the heavy and serious.

I wonder:  Why can’t I train myself to keep better track of my hand tools when I’m working?  I lose pruners, hand scythes, and other tools because I simply drop them on the ground--literally--when I’ve finished using them.  On a good day, I’ll notice them and set them in a visible place; on other days, I’m quite certain I’ve raked them up and discarded them along with the yard debris.  

When mowing, and I come to the end of a swath of lawn, I wonder why I often go in a circle rather than making a simple pivot to head back the opposite direction.  Why don't I dress more appropriately according to the weather?  Why don't I remember to take food and water with me and use sunscreen before I get sunburned?  I wonder why I love planting a garden, but tending it--not so much.   

Music played so loudly in a vehicle that I feel its vibration in my house causes me to wonder how the occupants of the car are able to tolerate that kind of volume, what they are trying to drown out in their own minds, and how their hearing has been affected.  

When I see individuals on street corners with their signs asking for money I often find myself questioning what their story is.  How did they end up where they are?  They are sons and daughters with a mother and father, a childhood, perhaps siblings.  They went to school somewhere, have had goals and aspirations at some point in their lives and probably still do.  Everyone has a story, and I wonder what theirs is. 

There is a set of twins, young men who scour the neighborhoods where I work, collecting cans and bottles with shopping carts and garbage bags.  I ask myself how it came to be that twins would end up in the same set of circumstances, that of living on the street, hand-to-mouth? Is their Mother living, and does she know where they are and how they survive?  I wonder whenever I see them.    

As one who is in her 70’s, I find myself pondering my future in a way I never have before.  Time is viewed differently when one is 70 than when one is 30 or 40, or even 60.  What awaits me in this physical life and how much longer will that life be?  I wonder.

Often I wonder what happens when this physical body comes to an end on this earth.  What is heaven like?  Even though I am familiar with Biblical passages and have read several accounts of near death experiences I have no preconceived ideas or thoughts, no fairy tale images of the hereafter.  I just wonder.   

What is hell like?  Again, I don’t know, and I wonder.  For me, hell is any place where God isn't.  But that’s just me.

An insect the size of a fly speck was crawling on my arm the other day and caused me to wonder at the intelligence of the Creator.  This creature not only has purpose but the capacity to function and reproduce.  In addition, consider all that isn’t visible to man’s naked eye, designed and created by Him. He knows and sees it all. This always quickly stretches the limits of my mind.   

I have wondered what it was like when creation took place.  I hope I am able to see a rerun of it someday, to watch as God spoke and light came upon an earth that had been without form and shape, covered in darkness for probably eons--to witness the placement of the sun, the moon, the stars; the gathering of waters to form the seas, and the remaining dry land, our continents.  I would like to see it all in slow motion.  I wonder if He will let me. 

Recently I have been wondering if God isn’t about ready to flick all of mankind off the face of the earth with His finger.  He did it once before, when He opened the fountains of the deep and caused it to rain for 40 days and 40 nights. He had looked upon mankind and seen that "the wickedness of mankind was great, and God was sorry that He had made man on earth, and it grieved Him to His heart.”  I wonder how He feels as He looks upon man now. 

Our world has become so consumed with saving the planet and serving and saving self that the most important treasure is being cast away—the hearts and souls of men. It’s called “worshiping the creation instead of the Creator.”

I wonder.  I wonder what is going to happen to a world of people who not only have no regard for the One who is giving them life, but scorn Him, treating Him with contempt and disdain.  I wonder. 

What would you do if you were in His shoes? While He is a God of love, He will not always strive with man.  There is an end to His patience and longsuffering.  Something to wonder about.