"On 'The Summer of My Discontent'"

discontent:  dissatisfaction, a longing for better times or circumstances

It was one of those hands-and-knees kind of jobs.  The garden is quite large, with three levels, and I have not been diligent in maintaining it.  My clients are having a party in a few days, so it is “crunch time” to bring it back to its former glory.  Going deep in thought it came to me--Summer, 2015 has, so far, been "The Summer of My Discontent."  While “The Winter of Our Discontent,” a novel written by John Steinbeck, referenced the political climate of a country, this is personal.

In thinking about it, I would have to say it began in the Spring, this pervasive feeling, this sense of unease, and I have carried it with me into what is now mid-Summer.  Isn’t it interesting that these inner states become a companion, an old friend?  Where I go, it goes.

It isn’t depression; nor is it unhappiness.  It is an underlying feeling of being unsettled, of not being “at home,” that all is not well.

When life feels out of balance, man often needs to find a reason, a cause for such and then to “fix” it.  I know better than that. 

I could say that it is the heat which is causing the discontent, but our 2 ½-week-long heat wave of 90 degree plus temperatures has passed.  I could say it is the reality of my age, that of being a 70-something, of living life alone, my financial state, or the lack of time to pursue personal interests.  But I know better than that.

Several days ago, I experienced a great deal of pain in the arch of my foot.  It seemed to have come out of nowhere, and I was unable to identify a point in time when I could have injured it.  Placing any kind of pressure on it was difficult, and I walked with an obvious limp.  I knew a potentially serious situation was developing when I calculated how close I could park to the grocery store entrance and how many steps it would take to get there. 

Awakening in the middle of the night, I faced the truth of being unable to garden, which is my livelihood, if I am unable to walk.  It is that simple.  “Help me,” was the extent of my prayer. 

At some point during the night, I unconsciously massaged my upper leg.  The next morning, imagine my surprise to find the pain in my foot had alleviated.  Rubbing the foot had not helped; the base source of the problem was further up the leg.  It’s that “foot bone connected to the ankle bone, and the ankle bone connected to the leg bone” thing. 

The source of a situation or state, be it physical, emotional, or spiritual, is often far removed from what we would speculate, guess, or assume.

The world is in an upheaval.  Weather is changing, power is shifting, the rule of money and lawlessness has never been more evident.  Narcissism abounds with mankind concerned only about “me."  God is being rejected at every level from personal up and through government and is being replaced with self-service and self-glory.  Peace is absent in the land, and discontent permeates and is manifest everywhere.
  

I would like to say I have made it through this state of discontent, this malaise, that I received enlightenment and understanding as to what is going on within, that I experienced a moment of epiphany, but it isn’t so.  I would like to state that what I am sensing is the state and condition of the larger whole, the ominous cloud of despair covering the land, but I don't know if that is so either. 

What I do know is that I will "Just keep going," one basic precept by which I live my life.   When what I really want to do is to curl up in a ball and plant myself, it is one of my least favorite things to do.  But I shall, because, for me, it is the only way--I shall "Just keep going."