"On How to Win an Argument"

argument:  a verbal dispute, a quarrel--not to be confused with
argumentation:  reasoning, discussion, debate

Have you ever been privy to an argument and found yourself wanting to shout, "Stop it! Stop the fighting!  Stop arguing!?"

It often begins as a simple disagreement.  In culinary terms, an argument could be categorized as a two-ingredient recipe.  All that is required is two people with differing opinions and points of view--and that isn't hard to find.  It's not even necessary that they know one another.  There is no minimum requirement for age, and the entire spectrum of gender, race and creed is covered.  The subject matter is boundless, ranging from ordinary and mundane to critical, important issues.

An argument is a war of words where theories or facts, personal experiences and input, data, suppositions, opinions, and hypothetical situations are all thrown in the mix.  Some of it is reasonable and logical, but it is not a requirement.  Not for an argument.  The perceived purpose is for one of the parties to convince the other their position is the "right" one.  Ergo, it is predetermined that the other party has the "wrong" one.

It is not in the nature of mankind to readily concede.  Driven by the need to be right, to prove others wrong, to win--all is fodder for a war of words.  And that atmosphere of controversy is not conducive to that which is positive.  

In this era of social media and instant communication, one is able to converse not only with friends and acquaintances but with total strangers as well.  In a climate of division throughout the nation, much of that interaction is argumentative.  It can be tempting to enter into an ongoing conversation on an endless choice of web sites, to express a personal position with the hopes of persuasion taking place. Realistically, that never takes place.  

Any argument has the potential to escalate from that simple disagreement to vicious animosity, from a mere difference in opinion or perspective to full-blown battle, with a possible catastrophic outcome.  How often does that happen in a household between parent and child, in the workplace between employees, in a restaurant or local bar when discussing politics?  Walking down the street, going through the mall, the grocery store, at a football game--Listen and you will hear various stages of arguments taking place all around.  

So how does one win an argument?  There are no winners; no one wins.  One need only have experience with a 4-year-old refusing to wear boots in a rain storm, a pre-teen who sees no value in a shower, or an 18-year-old trying out his/her wings to have verification of that.  It is my feeling that arguments accomplish nothing, serving no purpose other than creating division.

When dealing with one's peers or fellow man, the better approach is to simply not engage. As an argument begins to unfold, silence is often the best counter.  It does take two.  
  
The expectation that arguments are won and lost is not valid.  No one is ever won over to another way of thinking by the words I say, the argument I present, but rather, by my life, my actions.  It is an old saying but a true one:  "Actions speak louder than words."  

Just because I disagree with someone doesn't mean I have to express it;  and if another disagrees with me, as my Mother always said, "It takes all kinds."  For me, that is a win-win. 



"A gentle answer turns away rage, but a harsh word stirs up anger."