"On Ingratitude and Good Manners"

ingratitude: n. A lack or absence of gratitude; thanklessness.

manners: plural noun Ways of behaving toward people, esp. ways that are socially correct and show respect for their comfort and their feelings.

The mansion was built high atop the solid rock edifice, accessible only by a trolley system. The trolley was well maintained and designed to transport the inhabitants and their supplies as well as any who might visit.

It was a landmark in the city; the expansive home resembled a castle, an unusual design in modern America. The new owner had recently completed a massive renovation of the entire space and sent out a blanket invitation to the locals to come visit.  Food would be served, and all were welcome to attend.

The owner was a life-long friend, and though I had not seen her in several years, I knew her well. Parking at the base of the mountain was at a premium.  Vehicles were packed into every imaginable space as hordes of people clamored for a seat on the trolley that headed up to their destination. I finally found a place to park my truck and joined the masses going up the rock face.

A I entered the home it was evident no expense had been spared; large quantities of food were available to all. Unlike some banquets where food is measured out to the ounce per plate, guests were encouraged to help themselves, to eat until satisfied.

The crowd began to thin out as people had their fill and headed back down the mountain. I had not come for the food but to reconnect with my friend. Seeking her out, I found her seated, sad and somber. “What’s going on?” I asked. She shared that, of the hordes of people who had freely eaten at her table, not a one said “Thank you” as they left.

As I opened my eyes, I realized it was a dream--graphic and powerful. In the light of day dreams often vaporize as details are placed just out of reach. This was not one of those.

A few weeks ago, the one I call the “little pit bull” was scheduled to dance at the Christmas lunch meeting of a local service organization. Her dance group was to meet at 11 at the hotel where it was being held, dance at noon, then head back to their respective schools. Mom and Dad were both committed to work, unable to provide the necessary transportation the twenty miles back and forth from school. Could I help out?  “Of course.”   

I picked her up from school. The trip into town was filled with giggles and conversation. I pointed out I was wearing the same boots that tripped me up when I fell and broke my jaw--exactly a year ago to the day. “The same boots?! You are not allowed to walk in those boots, Gram Gram!” As we continued on, I realized I would not be able to return her back to school in time for lunch.  I assured her she wouldn’t go without food and offered several choices; she opted for a favorite drive-through.

The performance was completed, and we headed for take-out food. “Thank you for taking me, Gram Gram. And thank you for getting me lunch.” “Just a minute. Don’t you take your lunch to school?” With a giggle, she nodded her head. “So you actually have your lunch in your backpack, don’t you?”  More giggles.

As we retrieved the beefy 5-layer quesadilla from the drive-through window, she thanked the worker. I commented that her acknowledgements of thanks are important and unusual for one her age.

“Ayden and I are always being told what good manners we have, Gram.  It’s because of you, you know.  Remember when you always made us say ‘Please and thank you?’”  A childhood memory of hers, I had forgotten, though their parents get the credit for consistently reinforcing that same behavior.

So much of our current culture and society is based on what “I want" or, even worse, "deserve,” with zero acknowledgement of what we already possess. Start with the fact that all have been given the breath of life, a gift from our Creator. Often, the only acknowledgment of that gift is made when that breath is removed as people lash out in anger at God because it happened without their permission.  

Our way of life, even at its worst, is better than many others in the world. Ingratitude is an attitude, and it is one that taints and poisons not only the one who has it but all who come in contact with that person.

I had a dream. And yet it was reality. Gratitude, thankfulness, and good manners cost the giver absolutely nothing. May we give the One who loves us without measure appreciation and thanks for all He does for us, all He gives us. It's just good manners.

"O give thanks unto the Lord; for he is good: 

for his mercy endureth for ever."

Psalm 106:1