"On Wrestling with the Devil"

doubt: v. To be undecided about; to lack confidence in; to disbelieve, to question.

How long do you think it was after God told Adam and Eve they were not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil--because it would mean death--before Satan came to Eve, challenging that instruction? While time as we know it doesn't exist in the Garden of Eden, did he come immediately or did he allow some time for them to experience the epitome' of life with God, free from the curse of death?  

When Satan approached Eve there was no battle, either physical or spiritual. He questioned God's instructions: "Did God say, 'You shall not eat from any tree in the garden?' " She responded that God said they could eat the fruit of any tree in the garden except fruit from the tree that was in the middle of the garden. If they touched it or ate it they would die. Satan countered with a lie: "You will not die; for God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." He placed the seed of doubt, attached a lie, and Eve bought into it. 

The project was a daunting one. I had committed to sewing 150 face masks for the employees in the company where my son-in-law works. In this current COVID-19 pandemic, face masks are recommended as a helpful deterrent.  

I have sewn my whole life. In fact, I still have my first 4-H sewing project, made when I was very young--a small corduroy needle case, one lined with flannel. It was all made by hand as we weren't allowed to use the sewing machines. 

There is, however, a world of difference between sewing and mass production. For me, sewing is precise and detailed; every stitch is important. My standard is perfection, a holdover from those 4-H days when projects were taken to the county fair to be judged. When one produces a large quantity, it is not practical to be so particular. 

Self-doubt immediately flooded in. Had I chosen the right fabric? What about the pattern? Was it going to fit correctly? The design is pretty straight forward, but making 150 is no small thing and was complicated by a shortage of available materials. It was a challenge, one which took a little over a week as I vacillated between complete confidence and total frustration and despair.

As I finished the final one, packaged and delivered them, the doubt did not dissipate but only increased. What if they were unacceptable? What if they were viewed as garbage and needed to be trashed? I carried them all up to God and dumped them at His feet. Then I walked away.

It was then I realized I had been in a wrestling match from the beginning. I would like to say I've been wrestling with the devil, but he didn't even have to get that involved. His modus operandi was to place one single seed of a thought, a doubt, and then he stood back to watch. I would get settled in a rhythm and a flow, then turn around as another doubt appeared--and I was all worked up again. In fact, I could chart the entire project, every step of the way, and it would be a series of ups and downs.

Satan is the enemy of God; he is my enemy as well. He is shrewd and subtle, one of those who tosses out a comment, then steps back and watches as self-destruction takes place..He loves to stir the pot and does it well. It isn't difficult, either, when my focus has shifted from God.

If I have learned anything from this sewing project, I hope that I have learned that doubt is a tool of the enemy, a trap that ensnares, in the same way it was with Eve. 

As long as I have been walking with God, I should know better.