"On Being Grounded"

grounded:  adj.  confined to stay inside, typically by a parent, as a punishment; in aviation, not allowed to fly.

grounded:  adj.  well balanced and sensible.

discipline:  v.  train (someone) to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience.

The almost-13-year-old had been given a decision to make.  She was to choose between missing out on the birthday party of a friend at an ice skating rink, an event she had been looking forward to for days, or she was to relinquish her cell phone for 30 days. For 30 whole days she was to be "grounded," forbidden use of the instrument which is a social connection, a life-line for a pre-teen.

Her parents were not being cruel nor were they being abusive.  Being honest and forthright is the standard of this family's household, and when that standard wasn't met there were consequences. 

For many generations, corporal punishment was the typical form of discipline for children. A parent or an authority figure, perhaps a teacher or coach, deliberately caused physical pain or discomfort to a minor child in response to undesired behavior by the child.  This was done by spanking or slapping the child with an open hand or an implement such as a paddle. The premise of it was that the fear of the punishment would be a deterrent from any future miscreant conduct.   

In my own life, my mother had a wooden stick used for stirring paint as her paddling stick. When she could no longer deal with me, I was taken to the wood shed by Dad.  The size of his hand seemed enormous as he paddled me.  While I'm certain there was pain involved, I don't remember ever feeling that I did not deserve the punishment I received.  I always knew my actions warranted that response from my parents, and highly suspect it was my sassy "mouth," the need to have the last word, that pushed them over.  

Children enter a family and a home without experience.  It is the role of the parents to nurture, guide, to train and to teach them the values and principles which will be their moral and spiritual foundation as they live the rest of their lives.   In the home they learn, both from example and daily experiences, how to interact with others, behavior which is acceptable or unacceptable, and what it means to be disciplined.  It is not for the parent to be the one who controls, but to use every day incidents to encourage development and the growth of self-control.    

In recent years "grounding," the restriction placed on a child from an activity or favorite object, has become a preferred technique used in discipline and training, rather than that of exacting both physical and emotional pain. 

There is a clear correlation between that of earthly parents and the Heavenly One in methods of discipline and training.

God is omnipotent, all powerful, and there is a widespread perception, a false one, that He is cruel and mean, that He is controlling, and is the picture of One who abuses power.  In truth He is none of those things but, rather, the epitome' of loving parent. 

He is the innovator of instruction, of utilizing every day life to teach a better way to live that life. At times the experiences become quite difficult and harsh, but that is only because of our stubbornness and refusal to work with Him, to allow Him into our lives.  Wake-up calls are often ignored, and He is given no other option than to apply more pressure.  "If there was any other way....."  "Eternity is a long, long time."

To be grounded in aviation means a pilot is not allowed to fly.  That same term applied by God simply means my "wings" are clipped, and I have been placed in a set of circumstances not of my choosing.  Life as I had planned it has been altered.  The experience can be as mundane as weather conditions affecting a train trip, causing a delay, or as dramatic as retirement plans being altered due to an illness, a stock market crash, a natural disaster.

As a young woman, I had life as a mother all set.  I knew how many children I was going to have and had determined I would decide when I was going to have them.  Nothing went as I had anticipated.  One of my early experiences at being "grounded," I eventually realized I quite simply had not been allowed to have my own way.  And that is the point and purpose of discipline at the hand of God.  His way is a better way.

I questioned my grandgirl about her "grounding" experience, asking her if she felt the punishment was effective and what she learned from it.  "I have never lied since," she said, "which, that was like 2 months ago.  I do feel that taught me something.  Taught me a lesson to never lie, always tell the truth.....because (lying) can get you in trouble, can hurt someone's feelings." 

The terms discipline and punishment have such negative undercurrents attached to them in today's society that there is a reluctance to apply them.  However, when they come from a base of love and wisdom they are necessary and valuable.

In being "grounded," at His hand, one becomes grounded.  And you may quote me on that.    



"It is never fun to be corrected.  In fact, at the time it is always painful.  But if we learn to obey by being corrected, we will do right and live at peace."    

   

     
      



  

"On the Endgame"

endgame:  n.  the final stage of an extended process or course of events.

"Ladonna----"  Focused on pruning a massive climbing rose, his voice startled me, and I heard him before I saw him.  From the other side of the fence the upper portion of his face was visible as he peeked over.  A former landscaper and one who is a peer, our conversations when I am working in his neighbor's garden are often either about gardening or subjects relating to our age, as we are both in our 70's. 

It has been the never-ending Winter this year, and Spring days with sunny warmth have been few and far between.  We lamented about that, and he told of his recent knee replacement surgery and the recuperative process and progress. 

The speed with which time is passing entered into our discussion and with it the reality of being a "senior" and the brief amount of time left in our lives.  "We're all on the same conveyor belt," he said, "and when it stops, it stops."  His belief is that when death comes there is nothing to follow.  It wasn't necessary to express my belief that physical death is just a stepping stone into an eternal realm.

Not many people awaken in the morning when their eyes first crack open with the knowledge that "Today is the last day I am going to live life on this earth."  Yet every single day death, the end of physical life, becomes the personal experience of over 150,000 people around the world regardless of age, station in life, or where they live.

In the realm of athletics the end of the game, the last few seconds of play, may result in a win or loss.  Often a "hail Mary pass" in football or a 3-point shot from center court in basketball is executed in the hopes of coming out the victor.  In games such as bridge or chess the endgame is the final stage when few pieces or cards remain, and they need to be played carefully in order to win.  How, then, can that term have a spiritual application?

My mother once told me of an experience she had; some would call it a vision.  "I was walking down a road," she said, "and I came up to a door.  The door opened, and there He stood, just as big as life."  "Who?" I asked.  "Well, God," she answered.  "Who do you think?"  "Were you afraid of Him," I questioned.  "No.  Should I have been?" 

This is the endgame for each and every person alive--one last step, one last breath before that door opens up, and we enter into eternity.

Perhaps life has been lived with very little thought given to or about God, the daily routine filled with activities in a busy social schedule. There have been things to do, people to see and places to go to, and time is at a premium. With bucket lists yet to be fulfilled and goals to be reached before life comes to an end, no room or time was left for Him.

Oftentimes people speak of living each day as though it was their last by focusing on the treatment of friends and family.  I would suggest the attention be turned the opposite direction--toward God as He is where we all are headed.

There will come a time when there are no more chess pieces or cards left, no more plays to be made.  It will be over.  Be prepared for the inevitable, the unavoidable.  Make certain your endgame is your "A" game.    


"This very night your life is being demanded of you.  And the things you have prepared, whose will they be?  So it is with those who store up treasures for themselves but are not rich toward God."

  



  

"On Absolutes and Precepts"

Each and every day the ocean’s tides rise and fall. 

Each and every day Earth, the planet upon which we live, rotates on its axis.  In a journey of approximately 365 days, our year, it circles the Sun, the center of our solar system, a system filled with it and countless other planets, moons, comets, asteroids, meteoroids, and celestial objects.

Each and every day humankind lives with weather.  It is all around us, all the time.  An important part of our lives, we have no control over it.  Instead, it often controls and influences how and where we live, what we do, what we wear, what we eat, and our emotional and physical well-being.

Each and every day physical life begins.  Conception takes place when an egg and sperm meet, and a cocoon is provided for development and growth within the womb of the mother.  Several months later, when life can survive independently, birth takes place when an infant is delivered into this world.    

 

Each and every day physical life ends.  It may be due to age, tragedy, or a malady, but when the essence of a person leaves the body, death occurs.

Examples of absolutes, these are also known as facts of science.  Science, however, is only an observer, a discoverer, and not the originator or creator.  Whether launching a space shuttle, constructing an underwater tunnel, investigating wildlife in a jungle, or planning and initiating a plethora of projects ad infinitum, science cannot ignore these and multiple other absolutes.  It is governed and controlled by nonvariables and must operate within those bounds and limitations. 

  

Science is often portrayed as opposing and challenging God and places the burden of proof upon Him to prove His very existence.  However, even if one does not believe in God as Creator, he/she is still living life with Him, and that includes the realm of science as well.  Science may reject the Creator, but it cannot ignore the exactness and precision of all that is created, of all that is.   

  

God is an absolute.  In the same way facts of science cannot be ignored, there are basic facts about Him and His personality that cannot be overlooked when developing a relationship with Him, when living life with Him. 

Block by block, He builds atop the foundation, which is Him.  Certain principles apply, and they are absolute as He is absolute; they will never change as He will never change.

precept:  n.  a guiding principle or rule, esp. one that guides personal conduct

Precept #1:  ALL things are spiritual.

Or another way of expressing it—All things are spiritual. The base of all in this life, this world, this galaxy, this universe is spiritual, not physical.  We are a part of God’s world, and He is a spiritual being.  The need, then, is to have spiritual vision in order to see things as they really are.  Viewing life any other way is the same as looking at a black and white photograph of a sunset.  Perhaps the basic form, the skeleton as it were, is evident, but none of the color, beauty, and substance is visible.  One can look at it yet not really “see” it.  Seek, ask for “eyes that see.”  

  

Precept #2:  Things are not as they seem to be. 

“It’s bigger than a bread box.”  Adding to the first precept, this one reinforces the wisdom, foresight, intelligence, and thought that goes into our everyday lives.  Even with spiritual vision our finite mind is limited.  Mundane, everyday experiences carry with them the basis of discipline, a lesson, a crossroads—all part of the whole of life designed by the One who made us.

Precept #3:  First things first—the inner first, then the outer.  The outer without the inner is worthless.

The inner of a person is one’s spiritual part; the outer is one’s physical part.  One need only take a look in the mirror and consider where time, money, and energy has been expended in life to find the answer to the question of which has been and is the most important part. Only God can develop the spiritual part of us and to focus on the outer only is the creation of a very fragile shell.  

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal; but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven…..For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

“Strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness.”

Precept #4:  If you don’t make a decision, the decision is made for you.

People often want to postpone the consideration of God in their lives into the “someday.”  Motivated by the desire to live life “my way,” there is a fear that God might mess that plan up, so He is kept at bay.  Nothing is done half-way with God, and He does require a commitment. Speaking personally, the pay-off is beyond measure and that allegiance one which has never been regretted.  Never to be forgotten is the fact that in every person’s life the time does come when there is no more “someday.”

“Whoever is not with me is against me.”

Precept #4:  If you wait to see, you’ve waited too long.

“I’ll believe it when I see it.”  This position has its problems, and the price paid for standing and living in it is a hefty one. 

“And without faith it is impossible to please God, for whoever would approach him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.”

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”

“For we walk by faith, not by sight.”

Precept #6:  There is a better way.   

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways…”  

Precept #7:  There are no skipped steps; there are no shortcuts.

Life will be lived, lessons will be learned in the order planned and designed by the Master.  There is no game of “Leapfrog” in His plan. 

Precept #8:  Just keep going.

Nothing is ever gained by curling up in a fetal position or sitting down in protest.  Regardless of how difficult circumstances may be there is an end and moving forward is the best approach.

Precept #9:  Not a moment too soon, not a moment too late.

Timing.  It’s always about the timing. 

Precept #10:  Stay in your own yard.

Mind your own business.  Each one of us has more than enough on our own “plate” that it behooves us to focus on those things which have only to do with us.  Stepping outside of that generally comes from a place of judgment or the desire or effort to do God’s work for Him.  It never, ever works.

“Do not judge, so that you may not be judged.”

Precept # 11:  Do not add to; do not take away from.

God means what He says and says what He means.  When understanding is difficult, ask what He means.  Applying my reasoning to anything He says is dead-end.

Precept #12:  In order to become a teacher, you must be willing to be taught.

willing:  adj.  disposed or consenting; inclined; cheerfully consenting or ready

Absolutes.  Precepts. 

“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and acts on them will be like a wise man who built his house on rock.  And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not act on them will be like a foolish man who built his house on sand.

   

  

            

"On Contentment"

  

contentment:  n.  quality or state of being content

content:  adj. in a state of satisfaction; satisfied about a particular circumstance

The sun was out, a hint of warm even, with the temperature at 50 degrees, a welcome change from the freezing rain, ice storm, snow, and icy roads which have plagued my area for the past month.  Cleaning a house was on the schedule, but my client directed me to the back yard instead.

The space is filled with raised beds.  Several are filled with winter greens.  I set about weeding and removing leaves damaged by the freeze then headed to a bed of strawberries.  Methodically working my way around the bed with pruners and weeding tool, the thought struck me—“This is where I am most at peace.”

I am a farmer’s daughter.  Perhaps I have been in denial of that description.  It is so “earthy,” so unglamorous with not a single hint of sophistication.  And yet it is what and who I am.  Solitary work, on hands and knees in the dirt is where I am at home.  I am content there.

What, exactly, is contentment, and where can it be found?

For some, contentment can be an elusive thing.  Ever searching, ever striving for someone or something to bring about that sense of being settled, being at peace, of “feeling good,” one’s life can be in a constant upheaval, as though on a carousel, going round and round, up and down with the scenery never changing.

Consider the children.  Most families have had the Christmas gifting experience where, after all the thought, time, and money invested in choosing the “perfect” gift for a child, he/she finds an empty box and is completely entertained and enthralled, crawling in and out of it, placing it upon the head, putting bows or wrapping paper in it then dumping it and starting all over again.  That is contentment.  With no thought beyond the moment, no cares or concerns for what tomorrow might bring, it comes from within.  And either we are or we aren't--content, that is.
 

Take a child to a creek or the beach in the summertime, and he/she will spend hours creating channels and dams with the wet sand or dirt, collecting beautiful rocks or shells, shoveling with chunks of wood, discovering and checking out insects or frogs, the wildlife that is right under their noses.  That is contentment.  Simply living life, and the dollar expenditure—zero.  It cannot be bought.

I wonder sometimes if the concept, the idea of contentment ever enters the minds of most people.  Life is so hurried, so frenetic, mankind resembles ants in an anthill. Ever moving at a great rate of speed and yet each moving in his own direction, they never really pay attention to one another or their own inner state.  “Going nowhere fast” is the perfect description.
 

So where does contentment come from?  

I cannot speak for others, only for myself. I have no doubt many in this life have found contentment through their employment, their families, a "calling," a "cause," a purpose. 
For me, however, contentment has been the result of living my life in a spiritual manner, having a friendship with my Creator.  With definite experiences of comparison from my past, acceptance of the day-to-day events of my life has been a natural result in the context of that relationship.  Do I live my life in a nirvana state of peace, tranquility, happiness, and contentment?  No, I do not, but I am ever a work in progress.

Contentment is a priceless gift.  It is like a rhythmic, steady heartbeat which courses through one's being, never altering or changing.  May each of you be blessed with it in your own lives.



"I have learned to be satisfied with what I have and whatever happens." 
"Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment."

   

  

 

   

"On the Christmas Spirit"

spirit:  n.  The manner or style of something.

It is that time of the year, Christmas. There is enough sugar and fat in the excessive amounts of candy, cookies, and goodies being produced in kitchens everywhere to clog the arteries of the strongest of men. Christmas baking for me consists of melting chocolate chips in the microwave and adding a variety of ingredients to create delectable, tasty treats. If not enough to cause a heart attack, they have the potential to at least make a person very sick.

As a gardener, I dispose of grass clippings, weeds, and branches at a local business. The debris is shredded and converted to compost or other planting mediums. I maintain it’s the perfect enterprise. They charge me for my dumping, then I pay for a completed product, one for which I have provided the basic resource.

The dump site is managed by several young men, most of them in their twenties. As tends to happen while I am out and about, I have become acquainted with some of them as they share parts of their lives while I am paying to dump my load. I know that one of them was recently married; another is taking some time off from college in order to get a better perspective of the direction he wants to go; another played football in high school and now spends his weekends in a “royal battle” of sorts. They greet me with a smile and know by now I will refuse their offer to help me unload.

A large container for gift-giving was purchased and will be filled to the brim with candy then dropped off at the refuse site today. One could say I have the Christmas spirit.

Being filled with the Christmas spirit is not a phrase typically applied to me. Never a “bah, humbug” person, the holiday itself is simply not that important to me. Lights, decorating, the tree—all things I can live without. A daughter expressed it well when she said, “You always did and have put on a good Christmas face for your kids and grandkids.” It’s good to know I haven’t mortally damaged my family’s love for the holiday.

A seeming contradiction, ornaments are made for each of the children and grandchildren every year, my share of gifts are added under the tree, a tradition of selfless gift-giving for the grandgirls is being established by giving them money to donate to others. I do not have a love for this holiday. But then, I have no love for any other holiday either.

Holidays come and holidays go, and so it will be with Christmas.

Over the years I have wrestled with what could only be perceived as a negative outlook, as I questioned the point of bringing a tree into the house, the obscene amount of “stuff” collected under that tree, all culminating in said gifts being dispersed, many to be forgotten before the next holiday comes along.

This is where I have landed, however—one day out of 365 is not a statement of a person’s life. Kindness, generosity, empathy, caring, selflessness, and love are important qualities that need to be manifest in one’s daily life and not limited to presenting a beautifully wrapped package to be opened on Christmas. They are traits that should be applied to all of life and the living of it, not just during a particular season.

And so, in a personal gesture, also known as “having the Christmas spirit,” I head out with my very large box of candy, delivering it to the guys at Rexius Fuel. It is my way of thanking them for revealing parts of their lives to me and for allowing me to get to know them. People matter. Holidays not so much.

  

"For Your Eyes Only"

It was, in a word--horrible.  While I am certain there are many things in life much worse, the Sunday my grandgirls were told it was time to say "Goodbye" to their family pet was as terrible, as awful as I had expected it to be.

I had been asked to stay with the girls while Mom and Dad took Tank to the vet.  It was time.  At 14, his vision had diminished due to cataracts.  His hearing almost gone, he hadn't heard me when I came in the door.  Arthritis in his back hips made it increasingly difficult for him to carry his massive body and to navigate the steps outside.  Tumors were developing, and the bones were visible on his once-vigorous frame, even though he ate.

Tank's deteriorating physical condition had been evident for months, and the family openly talked about the inevitability of the situation, that he was coming to the end of his lifespan. Still, as often happens in many areas of life, reality was a different story, a shock, a surprise.

The girls were given as much time as needed.  They hugged him, covering his body with theirs.  Lying on the floor next to him, talking to him and petting him, their grief and sobs were gut-wrenching and heart-breaking.  Now 10 and 12, he had been with them their entire lives. How does one let go of a best friend, a companion?

The thought quietly entered my mind, and I shared it with the family.  A letter, written by each of the girls, to Tank, their "forever" buddy, telling him all the things they wanted to say, all the things they wanted him to know and hear.

And so, after my daughter and son-in-law left, the grandgirls sat down at the table and began to write.  The crying subsided as they wrote their letters to Tank, expressing their feelings and their thoughts in words, on paper.  I told them what they wrote was personal and could be tucked away forever, shared with no one, if they so chose.

"That was helpful," the little one said, as she folded up her letter, heading off to put it in her memory box.  The older one agreed as she put hers in a small baggie along with some of her pup's fur.

I am a proponent of this kind of writing.  It cannot be called "writing a journal."  Journals are diaries.  This is venting, emptying, unloading from the very most inner depths of a person, a cleansing and cleaning out, if you will.  Though there may be no scientific data to support it, it is my experience and conviction that something positive happens when one voices in such a manner, transferring from within to paper.  After all, isn't that the basis, the essence of poetry, music, composition?

Many years ago, I was in the darkest of dark places.  All alone, I questioned all that I believed to be true.  I know and understand hopelessness, dreading the beginnings of yet another day.

I began writing, simply writing.  Everything I thought, everything I felt, all the doubts, all the questions, all the frustrations began pouring out of me onto the paper.  And, for me, all of the anger I felt towards a God who I was certain had neither heard my prayers nor answered them, who I knew cared nothing about me.

I have no idea how long this continued, but it was over quite a lengthy period of time. Despondent, filled with only negative, troubled over my life and how I was living it, I remember sitting at the kitchen table and filling page after page.  Punctuation, grammar, and form be damned, I just wrote and wrote and wrote.  

There came a time when I was finished, though I didn't realize it when it happened.  There was no final chapter, but the need to go there no longer existed.  Just as one does not go digging through a garbage can, there was no need to re-read all that had been released, and it went in the trash.  No one ever read the writings, and only God and I even knew of their existence.  

By that time an inner healing had begun.  We all know that physical wounds cannot heal as long as infection is present.  So it is with our inner beings.  That which is negative is toxic and must be removed.  Personally, that happened as I wrote letters to God, honest and real. I had no idea when I began that I would end up at His doorstep, but I did.

For those of you in a chronic set of circumstances, behavior, or memories which continue to haunt, daunt, or taunt you, robbing you of joy and peace in your life and the living of it, may I make a suggestion?   Find a quiet place, a piece of paper and pen or pencil and just begin writing whatever comes to your mind.

While talking with a friend or even a professional has value and merit, I feel there is no substitute for pencil and paper, baring one's soul in black and white, sweeping out the recesses and corners of one's mind.  Try it.  You just might be surprised at the outcome.
It costs nothing, and for me, it was one of the most valuable experiences of my life.  

And it is for your eyes only.

"On Caring"

care:  v.  to be concerned about, have an interest in; to be mindful of
          n.  close attention; concern; responsibility; the object of watchful attention or anxiety

"Thanks for checking in on me.  I need that sometimes."  The succinctness and directness of her response surprised me.  All I had done was send a text, inquiring as to how her leg was. "We all do," I answered.

The 12-year-old grandgirl had taken a knee to her thigh in a basketball game the day prior, and I had been wondering how she was.  I was watching another part of the game when it happened. When my eyes turned back to her, she was on the floor, writhing in pain as she grabbed her leg.  She's a tough one, not prone to drama, so I knew she was genuinely hurt.  I wanted to see how the injury felt after Mom and Dad's physical therapy and a night's rest.  

Caring.  To care.  About someone or something.  The thing about caring is either you do or you don't.  Caring cannot be fabricated or feigned.  Either there is a genuine concern or there isn't, and that is evidenced and felt.  Saying one cares is not proof of nor verification that one does either. "Words are cheap."  

There is no expense involved, no purchase necessary when it comes to caring about a fellow human being or the circumstances in their lives, but its importance and value can be quite substantial and should never be underestimated.    

Recently, a friend was experiencing a difficult time. "You doing OK?" I asked.  "Yes.  Your caring makes me feel better."  It was an unexpected response, but one that has provoked much thought.  

It takes so little to make a difference in other's days, in their lives.  In addition, real, valid, and genuine concern is a bold contrast to that which is counterfeit, superficial, contrived.     

The nature of mankind is to be wrapped up in "me, myself, and I."  Living outside of that "box" is a most rewarding and vital experience, providing personal benefits as well.  I am most enriched when I have shared myself with others, not in the giving of material things, but from within. 

It is always those things which money cannot buy which are the most valuable.  


"He cares for you."