"On The Things I've Learned From My Daughters"

She was an older woman about my age, choosing food from the bulk food bins at the grocery store.  Dashing in to purchase my own selection of goodies to fortify me through my work day, I noticed her as I passed by.  My one and only thought, a random one coming out of nowhere was, She must not have daughters.  

My reasoning for this conclusion was that she was wearing a denim jacket with denim jeans.  I am no fashionista, and I personally do not have a problem with that combination.  However, I have been trained and trained well.  If I was to even consider such a combination there is a resounding admonition in my head, a collective chorus of voices--"Mom, you can't wear denim with denim!"   Who knew?  I thought it was enough that they matched.

I have been gifted with daughters, three of them.  Actually four, when I include the one who was given to me when my son married, but I'm talking about those who entered my life at birth and who grew up under my roof.  These girls are not three "peas in a pod."  If you were to see them in a lineup you'd be hard pressed choosing them as siblings.  In addition, their personalities and interests differ as much as do their physical appearances.  They are unique, one-of-a-kind individuals, albeit all raised by the same mother.

That early morning encounter set my mind in gear, and I found myself thinking about my daughters and all I have learned from them.  I know it is the role of the parent to do the teaching, but oh, the things my girls have taught me.

My daughters have taught me that, when decorating a home or planting a garden, one must display pictures or plants in odd numbers, never even; I've learned that accessories, including shoes, and fit make all the difference in creating an outfit of clothing.  I've also learned it is not polite to stare at people and was recently reminded of that once again. 

With three daughters in the house, I learned one hot water heater really isn't enough on a school morning. The priorities in life are hair and clothing, but music--loud music, friends, and laughter are of an equal importance.  Oh, yes, then there are "the boys."  Another lesson learned was almost any situation (and the possibilities are far too many to list) has the potential of escalating from minor to major in a heartbeat, and every effort must be taken to avoid that at all cost.  Reasoning with a girl who is in a calamitous frame of thinking and mind is nigh unto impossible.  Plus she will either make a lot of noise or go silent.   Neither of those two are beneficial nor productive.

Each of my daughters taught me there is no pain or heartbreak to match that of breaking up with a boyfriend.  And a mother's love cannot help or heal.  Recovery is a solitary, individual process which takes time and a personal inner strength and resolve. They each made it through and became stronger young women, and I learned they had to do it on their own.

I am a grandmother now, and I watch as those daughters of mine mother their own daughters.  I'm quite certain they are being schooled and taught by them as well.  All of my girls have an open, honest level of communication with their children.  It is one I wish I had had with them as they were growing up, but I didn't.  My grandgirls are encouraged to discuss any and all topics, and they do.  What a gift they are being given.

As my daughters have become women I have learned they never cease being daughters, and I will always be Mother.  And yet I have learned a bonus at this time of life, one I never expected in those early days, and it is that of being friends. I have always maintained that children are a gift, and my daughters are that.  I have been gifted with a son as well, but that will be written about another day.  Besides, he never taught me that wearing denim with denim was inappropriate.